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CULINARY THRILL SEEKING — Fear this hot sauce; beware this ‘thrill’

This Culinary Thrill Seeker has established I like it hot. Raw jalapenos top my breakfast eggs, and two men from India recently cautioned little green hotties on my plate that were not phasing me on the heat scale.

Don’t even get me started with over-the-counter so-called hot chips, etc. I can take it. And I love it. But I never said I never said I’d never meet my match or enter the danger zone.

It’s taken me literally months to write about Hellfire Hot Sauces. They taught me few lessons.

  1. Pay attention to your “pour.”
  2. You shouldn’t  be fussing with your husband as you deal with controlled substances.
  3. Read labels thoroughly. Get your magnifying glass if you have to.

Let’s establish that there are skulls, threatening creatures and intimidating names in this line of all-natural, award-winning artisan gourmet hot sauces for a reason.

We tried Blueberry Hell, with berries to balance a mean mix of peppers, and were not overpowered.

The next time we skipped Fear This, featuring Carolina Reaper, “the world’s hottest pepper.” I was for sure planning to work my way up to Fiery Fool, labeled “The Hottest Sauce in the world without extract.” So I went for Doomed.

Later, I noted this blend features Habanero and Trinidad Scorpion Pepper, is spiked with 6.66 billion Scoville heat units, was made for the “Hellboy” movie and labeled “Our Hottest Sauce Yet.”

Chronologically, I was debating a point with my husband, not paying much attention as I put a test drop on my plate that turned into more of a blob and tasted a bite over something like potatoes that was bigger than I’d intended.

Time stopped, until I got up from the table and ran in small circles, headed to the fridge for yogurt to help quench the inferno on my tongue.

How could we be out?

I basically had to lick a stick of butter. That was my last bite of my meal, but at least I knew not to spread the fire around by drinking water.

For the next several hours I felt the substance move through my body and considered packing a small bag in case I had to head toward the ER.

The bottles have since been on a shelf, mocking me.

I have ideas on how to more safely incorporate their aromas and flavors into other meals, but I’d be dining alone.

I’m not sure I personally know anyone who would enjoy such intensity, and I’d certainly have them sign a waiver before they indulged.

Sometimes a warning serves as a challenge. You have been warned.

To learn more about this product out of Lake Geneva, Wisconsin, go to sales@hellfirehotsauce.com.

On that note, this seems like a good place to mention Zombie Peter Rabbit, from the same Sugar Plum Chocolates.

Yes, they make delightful, colorful treats you’d expect from a group with a name like that. They also have a wicked sense of humor with this green rabbit you can’t unsee — sugar-plum.com is where you can pair your chocolate with your mood.

 

Let’s talk about ice. Too soon?

Boozie Freezie’s line of premium vodka very adult ice pops are the nice kind of ice that will help you recover from our rare Texas snow show this year.

Sunshine on the Rocks, featuring pineapple and mango, has a guy surfing on the label. Brisky Frisky Daiquiri’s white rum with strawberry and lemon natural flavors is a keeper. Vodkaberry Snow invites raspberry to the party.

These are intense, convenient and a refreshing treat for grownups who need some quick tropical flavors.

Glacier Margarita? We can take it.

The calorie contents, in the 70 to 120 versions, are printed on the front, so a relatively low count is part of the treat factor. Very cool.

 

Darragh Doiron is a Port Arthur area foodie who writes for Port Arthur Newsmedia and will stick to the chiles she knows for the foreseeable future. Share you foodie stories with her at darraghcastillo@icloud.com.