CHRIS MOORE — A Texas institution expands its reach Friday
Published 12:04 am Wednesday, November 24, 2021
It is believed that high school football is a religion in Texas. If that is the case, this Friday will be The Crusades as the sports breaks the confines of the Texas and Louisiana border.
Port Neches-Groves and Texas High School will play their Region III Semifinal at Northwestern State University in Natchitoches, Louisiana.
This contest will be the only one of the weekend that is not played in the state as these teams annex a part of their neighbor.
I’m not sure how states would go about gaining more territory, but Texas putting a high school football playoff game in your state should be seen as an aggressive move.
Do we have to redraw maps?
After more research, I found out there are several Whataburger locations and there have been attempts to place a Buc-ees in Louisiana. We are further along with the hostile takeover than I thought.
To be fully Texan, the state’s most prominent college football program would have to become a laughing stock. Wait a minute.
If we do take over Louisiana, what does that make East Texas? Do we now refer to that as Middle East Texas?
I assume we should enforce some rules with our new territory. The first should be you should no longer call your counties “parishes.” They are now counties from here on. And the ones that I cannot pronounce will be renamed after Texas icons. For example: Avoyelles Parish will now be Bun B County. Plaquemines Parish will now be Jamie Foxx County.
To our new family, you will now be forced to “Remember the Alamo” and you have to consistently ask others to “come and take it.” We also have this thing about littering. Apparently if you do, you are messing with Texas and you don’t do that. We already shared Ricky Williams, although it seemed to go better for us than it did y’all.
As far as food and music go, that is an area we can compromise. Southeast Texas is already like Southwest Louisiana in that regard. It is common knowledge that Texas has the resources to be its own country if we wanted to, but think how much more likely that would be with more Texas.
I know this is a lot to take in, but I feel like this is inevitable once we start playing high school football games on your soil. That really is the most Texan thing we can do.
Do y’all say “y’all?” You might want to add that into the vocabulary. That should wrap up the basics. See y’all Friday.
Chris Moore is the sports editor for Port Arthur Newsmedia. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.