I never knew the pain of losing a loved one on death row, but I did lose my mother to murder.

Since Pilar’s death in Houston on Nov. 21, 1991 I have never been the same. Holidays can be bad or good. My birthday and her birthday can be depressing, and the date of her death is always hard on me.

As part of my duties with the Diocese of Beaumont, I often oversee prayer vigils for those on death row. We pray for them, their victims and the families of the victim and the offender at 4 p.m. on the day of the execution. The male death row inmates are at the Polunsky Unit, in Livingston, which is within our diocesan boundary. The Diocese of Beaumont provides the spiritual needs of all Catholics at the Polunsky Unit and supports the Catholic volunteers who work with us.

On my last birthday, I felt a cloud overhead. A sense of depression existed for me as the day came closer and closer. There was a scheduled execution on my birthday and another execution the day after.

It was painful for me to oversee that prayer vigil. It hit me like no other execution — right between the eyes. If that was not enough, the state — we — killed another man the next day, which added to my pain.

During our prayer vigil, we read a line from scripture; “Forgive them Father. They don’t know what they are doing.”

As a state, and as a nation, when will we learn to forgive? When will we stop killing to show that killing is wrong?

This month there are two scheduled executions. The first was Dec. 4 and the second is on the 11^th. What a way to remember the birth of our savior – two executions in the most bloodthirsty state in the nation. Why can’t we take a month off to praise the Lord’s birth?
My first insight that execution is wrong was after my mother’s murder in 1991 when a felony court judge, my friend, while reporting on his court proceedings, shared a few words with me. He said “Chris, if that was my mother or wife and someone killed them I would take a gun and go after them. It was at that time I knew that killing prisoners was wrong. Because it’s revenge. Although we might want to hurt someone for doing something bad to us, we must never act with our emotions. We need to let God into the equation.”

After many years, I forgave the men who killed my mother. The Honduran nationals fled the U.S. and there were no charges filed in their case. There is no real evidence tying them to the murder, although police did learn they sold her stolen property.

I was depressed for some time because of my mother’s death. However, in the end, her life and what she stood for made me stronger.

Let us rise above our primal instincts to kill and learn a lesson from our Lord. Let’s forgive them, for they know not what they have done.

Chris Castillo is coordinator of chaplain volunteers for the Diocese of Beaumont.