After sitting through “One Missed Call,” I have resolved to stop complaining about my cell phone. Sure, I may not get great service and the monthly bill is outrageous, but at least my mobile phone isn’t trying to kill me. Of course, I do pay extra for the “No Murder” option plan.

“One Missed Call” is yet another American remake of a Takashi Miike, Japanese horror film. If you’ve seen “The Ring,” “Pulse” or “The Grudge,” you’ll have a pretty good idea of the tone and visual images involved in this film. Throw in a bit of “Final Destination,” and you’ve got the idea behind this film. The story involves an attractive cast of young people who get an eerie voicemail, a message from the future in which they leave details about their imminent demise. Basically, you get a call from yourself, and then you die. 

Shannyn Sossamon plays Beth, and because she’s arguably the most famous cast member in the film, she decides to team up with a detective (Ed Burns) and figure out the case of the killer voicemail. Yes, it’s all quite silly to think about, but J-Horror flicks have always been more about style than substance.

“One Missed Call” doesn’t have much style or substance. The scares just aren’t that scary, the acting isn’t very good, the special effects don’t really pop and the screenplay features lines of dialogue that are so bad that they will make you laugh out loud. My favorite: “From now on, when dead people call, we’re not home.”

The poster is creepy-cool, so one star for that.

The rest of “One Missed Call” is a total miss. It’s only an hour and a half long and yet it feels like the filmmakers don’t have enough ideas to fill the already short running time. Throw in a bad ending and you have the first cinematic turkey of 2008.

Movie reviews by Sean, “The Movie Guy,” are published bi-weekly in “The Port Arthur News” and weekly on KFDM-TV. Sean welcomes your comments via email at smcbride@kavutv.com.